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I sit here by the side of Casey’s hospital bed with her hand held in mine. I had never seen her like this before and it hurts me to know that this was partly my fault. Casey and I look so different. She always wanted short, wavy, blonde hair like mine. I tell her she should be happy with her brown curls and dark brown eyes. She looks so sad now. She has been in a coma since the accident a week ago. She doesn’t even know all that has happened yet. Her parents don’t blame her state on me. They say it was Mark’s fault, he was the one who was drinking. The worst part is, Casey didn’t even want to go. It was a Friday afternoon, last Friday to be exact. Casey and I were talking to each other at school when a guy in our class, James, came up to me and asked what we were doing tonight. Being in the 12th grade, we both knew that he wanted us to go to a party. He told us of a party in Rustico and said that we definitely should go. That’s when Mark came up and slid his arm around my waist. He had a huge smile on his face and told James that we would be there. “So you’re assuming that we want to go then right?” I asked him as I tousled his shaggy brown hair. Mark and I had been dating for a year and a half. We never argued, and most often, didn’t disagree. “Guys, you heard about what happened at the last party in Rustico. I don’t know if it is a good idea for us to go to this party,” Casey said. She was always the one looking out for us. She never wanted to see anyone get hurt. She was always checking up, seeing if anyone needed a hand or a shoulder to cry on. Later that night, Casey and I were at my house getting ready for the party. “I still don’t think this is a good idea,” Casey said.
“Casey, just because the police ended up at the last party and they charged a lot of people for under aged drinking, doesn’t mean it will happen this time. We’ll be fine,” I said, not knowing of the horrible event that would take place that night. Just then the doorbell rang. It was Mark coming to pick us up. I could tell he had already been drinking by the smell of his breath. He was, as Casey would say, ‘a little tipsy’ with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. We got in his car and started the twenty minute drive to Rustico. Everyone said that Mark and I had the same color of eyes. I loved gazing right into the deep blue of his eyes and he often did the same to me. That night was the one night I didn’t like it when he did that. While he was driving, he was holding my hand. Then he looked at me right in the eyes and just stared. I laughed and told him to watch the road and not me. He smiled and kept staring. Casey yelled at him from the back seat to look at the road. His only response to anything we said was him saying ‘I love you, Jess’ to me and requesting that I say it back. That’s when Casey and I saw it. A transfer truck was headed right for us. I told Mark one last time to look at the road or he might kill us all. He wouldn’t listen to me and we were driving right down the middle of the highway. I tried to pull my hand out of his to get to the wheel but he wouldn’t let it go. I grabbed the wheel with my left hand as Casey let out a horrendous scream. There was a flash of lights and then the sound of squealing tires. That is the last that I remember. In the hospital, they told me that the truck had hit the front of the car on the driver’s side and it had gone spinning off of the road. “Oh my God! Is Casey okay? Please tell me Casey is okay,” I demanded. I was so scared. I had never thought that at the age of 17 I might lose a friend. I was terrified for her life. That’s when the doctor told me that Casey had been thrown from the car and was in a coma. He also told me that my left arm, whose hand had been gripped by Mark’s at the time of the accident, had been broken in two places and I had suffered a major concussion. That’s when I thought about Mark. “What about Mark? I have to see him. Take me to see him now!” I yelled at the doctors.“I’m afraid that we can’t do that,” the doctor replied. “You have to. I love him. He is my boyfriend and I want to see him so take me to him now!” I screamed. I wouldn’t even consider what they might have been saying up until they told me straight up that Mark’s little red sports car had been no match for the truck. Mark had been killed instantly upon impact with the truck. I was heartbroken and still am. Never in my life had me ever lost anyone that was close to me. I had even had dreams of maybe spending the rest of my life with him. I loved him more than anything or anyone in my life. So now here I am, hand in hand with Casey, knowing that I should have listened to her. Wishing I could go back and have Mark back here by my side. I wish that everything could go back to the way it was though I know it never will. I want to go back to the days of teenage innocence that I once knew.
How could I forget
All of your memories
All the words you ever spoke
Things that had so much meaning
And the times we sat silent
With your arms around me.
The summer nights have gone
And now I’m here alone.
It never lasts.
And all the times that we had
Mould my heart and soul.
They bring tears to my eyes
To know I’ve lost all that.
My heart will always be
Something you can own.
You’re forever my friend.
Stay with me until the end.
Stay with me until the end.
What am I supposed to do
When every sad song reminds me of you?
What am I supposed to do
When every sad song reminds me of you?
But the love remains
Yeah the love remains
‘Cuz we are the same
Oh we’re the same
Just turn around
Take your hand in mine
Oh don’t be scared
I need you now
What am I supposed to do
When every sad song reminds me of you?
What am I supposed to do
When every sad song reminds me of you?
What am I supposed to do
When every sad song reminds me of you?
What am I supposed to do
When every sad song reminds me of you?
Remember the first time our lips met
Or the first time our hands touched
Simply standing with you in my arms
All of that is all I need
The flames have turned to ash,
Day has faded into a star-stricken sky,
My tears have fallen and dried,
The memories stand strong.
Remember looking right in my eyes
Sealing the look with a silent smile
Running my hands through your hair
The soothing sound of your voice
I remember walking side by side
Holding frozen hands in mine
Driving, talking all the way home
Best of all, the goodnight kiss.
The flames have turned to ash,
Day has faded into a star-stricken sky,
My tears have fallen and dried,
The memories stand strong.
Just one song
one that tells it all
describes how I feel
shows reality
tells of all my love.
Just one song
to summarize me
it tells of my life
giving out my thoughts
revealing tears.
-chorus-
I only want this one song,
this one to describe it all.
Though one thing's more grave,
It's just what matters most,
my one true love.
Just one song
will tell all the world
and spread out the word
and will make you smile
and bring you back here.
Just one song
before all is lost
telling of the past
marking memories
displaying spirit.
-chorus-
-Bridge-
So here goes, this is for you
I want you back in my arms.
You're the only one for me.
You've got ahold of my heart.
I love you and always will.
-chorus-
You don't know what it's like to be me
There's nothing worst than seeing you and her.
It's confusing I'm misusing my judgement now.
I thought I knew what I wanted but I was wrong.
-chorus-
I guess it's just that I care
The words are hard to piece together
Nothing's making sense anymore
Instead of you and her it should have been you and me.
I can't stand the feelings I've got.
I dont know what to do about it.
I need someone to bring me to my senses,
Help me find what I truely want.
-chorus-
I long for your lips upon mine,
And your strong arms around my waist.
I'm putting letters together bit by bit
All that I've said just sums up to this.
-chorus-
Another fucking night
of cryin' myself to sleep
All I wanted was your arms
Your arms around me
Bur you don't care
You just don't see
The pain you've caused
I'm not even worth a glance
I stand and scream
Yell for all I'm worth
You just don't hear
And you can't see
What can she give
That you can't get from me?
If you were trying
To cut me deep
Congratulations
You've made me bleed
Crimson runs from my veins
Tears slide down my face
There's nothing left but rain
Did I even ever matter
I'm down on my knees
I've got nothing left
I've noone to love
All my tears are wept
Next move's yours
Place the gun against my head
Pull back the trigger
I'm better off dead.
A girl sits in a window, pen in hand
Looking out at the world she misplaced
Trying not to let others see her pain
Hiding it all, sheilding the tears.
She tries to scream but makes no sound
Tries to run but falters and falls
Attempts to cry but her tears have been wept
Tries to breathe but can't catch her breath
She looks at the sky as it turns grey
Wants to leave but has to stay
Wishes to smile but holds it back
Her entier life has turned to black
She cries out, screams for help
Noone sees, her pain is kept
She feels as if it's over now
Finds no need to be here
So now she sits with pen in hand
writes a not to her mom and dad
writes to them a final goodbye
and lets the darkness embrace her life
All you want is to criticize
Take all your pain and force it on me
Tear my dreams and hopes and fears
Pushing me to feel that I'm nothing
My life is seemingly worthless
I mess up, screw up, break down, cry.
I've tried to be all that I can
All that I've done is ruin it all
I just need one to care, to fix the mess
I'm futile, meritless, miserable
A useless, wretched, valueless body
Not worth the consideration that I, too, have feelings
It will be terminated, executed, completed.
The intimidation is to be gone as is my soul.
I'll endure the trecherous things sent my way
Just succumb to it all, let it take me
A single rose be place on my grave
To indicate my sorrow for being a royal
FUCK UP
We're in too deep and we can't get out of it
We're falling apart giving up on it all
Running through the dark unable to see
Slipping off the edge and falling into the waves
I'm crying inside and noone knows it but me
It's tearing me apart and pulling me down
I'm finding it hard to keep my feet on the ground.
I can't hold on for long, I need some help
I may look okay on the outside, but if you felt
How I feel on the inside you'd understand
As the rain and the coulds close in
I give in to the pain, someone take me away
It's tearing up my heart, burning up my soul
Replacing good with bad, happy with sad
The only good times are dreams not reality
Will life ever be good again, is the pain for eternity
I wonder if I will ever make it through the dark
Will I get rid of the pain that tears me down
Or will it all just embrace me, stealing my soul
Forcing me down to the depths of a grave
You and I we been together
For a while now.
Things just ain't the same
As they were when we began.
You don't even see the difference
Between the way I look at you
And the way that I used to.
Pre-chorus:
If you don't agree
Baby just talk to me
But in my opinion...
Chorus:
I said I love you, but I don't.
I said I'd stay with you forever, but I won't.
Until we go back to how we used to be,
There's no more You and Me.
Bridge:
How could you believe,
That I would stay with you.
If you ask me to do,
Things I don't wanna do?
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